After early pregnancy loss, honoring and memorializing our baby is an important part of the grieving and healing process.
By initiating similar grieving rituals as we would at the loss of a beloved family member or friend, we are legitimizing our loss. We are also taking a step toward healing.
Below are five ways to remember and honor your baby. I encourage you to choose the idea or ideas that fit you and your family. Pray for God’s leading as you read through the ideas and see what resonates with you. Then talk it over with your spouse or partner.
1. Honor your baby in your home.
Displaying an object or remembrance item in or around your home is a meaningful way to remember and honor your little one.
Here are several ideas to consider:
- Frame your ultrasound image and display it on a tabletop.
- Purchase a Christmas ornament as a remembrance of your baby. We purchased these Christmas ornaments to remember our three babies.
- Plant a tree or plant. Generally there is not a gravesite to visit with early pregnancy loss, so a tree or plant provides a place to go to remember. As a tree grows, it can also help mark the passing of time and growth.
2. Wear a piece of jewelry.
You could purchase a piece of jewelry to wear as a beautiful remembrance of your child. Some online retailers now offer specific jewelry pieces to remember babies lost during pregnancy, such as Hope Again Collective.
3. Write a letter to your baby.
Once we find out we’re pregnant, we start to dream dreams for our babies and our families. We love this little person we’ve never met. A letter can help us express all that is in our hearts.
After losing our second baby, I wrote him a letter and it was a powerful experience for me to share my heart:
Beautiful Little One,
I will miss you. I will miss teaching you about Jesus, but now you can teach me, as you are with Him first. I will miss meeting you and discovering your personality—your likes and dislikes, your dreams and your fears. I will miss your smile and your laugh, and laughing together. I will miss your first steps, your first day of school, and your wedding day. I will miss you.
Know that I love you very much, but you are in the arms of Someone who loves you more. You will love being loved by Jesus. As you know already, He is life and light and your song.
I will miss you until the day we are reunited again. Until that day, we hold onto the One who rose from the dead, the One who gives us hope, the One who loves us. I will miss you, but I will see you soon.
Love,
Mommy
Consider writing a letter to your baby. It will be hard, but it will also be healing.
4. Hold a memorial service.
A memorial time is a meaningful way to honor and remember your baby while at the same time taking a step toward healing. This special time can be with you and your spouse or partner, or include close family and friends.
Soon after the losses of our second and third babies, Tim and I did a simple ceremony to honor and remember the babies. (We did a similar ceremony to honor our first baby years later.) We chose to do these privately by local bodies of water.
We each wrote letters that we shared during our ceremony. I wrote mine to the baby (one which I shared above) and Tim wrote his letter as a prayer to God. We prayed together and then threw some flowers into the water and watched them float away.
These ceremonies are still strong memories for me and were a source of deep healing.
5. Name your baby.
Names are important parts of who we are and how we relate to one another. They form part of our identity and how we talk to and about each other. They are a key part of our memory of a person.
Tim and I didn’t immediately name the babies we lost. We did years later and it was an important step in our remembrance of them. As you are picking out a name, it could be one that you had in mind for them, or it could be a new name.
By giving your child a name, you are giving them a treasured place in your family.
Your Next Step
Take some time to think and pray about what to do to honor your baby. What one or two ideas would you like to do to honor and remember your baby?
Please don’t feel like you need to do them all. The number of ways you memorialize your baby does not equate to the amount of love you have for your baby.
The important step for healing is to honor and remember your baby in some way.
In the comments below, share how you plan to honor and remember your baby.